It's true, I am relieved to be done. No more pushing, I must have hiked and pushed 30 miles worth of the 265 that I completed. I was prepared for some hike-a-bike but not nearly as much and as hard as it was. It took me 5 hours from the Gold Hill trail head in Breck to the crest of the ten mile range, only 8 miles. 8 miles in 5 hours! And I got myself into pretty good shape. Granted, I was mostly riding during my training.
But with that relief there are questions: could I have kept going? should I have kept going? was today just a bad day and I would have woken up tomorrow feeling better and back in it like I did on day 3? Who knows, but those questions will always be there and that sucks.
This was only the second mountain bike race I've ever done. Now that is just plain silly! As the race website states: 'If you've never done a multi-day endurance ride, don't start with the CTR'. Now in all fairness, I had done several bikepacking trips prior and had in fact ridden from Segment 1 all the way to Mt. Princeton. So I was not a rookie, but I was not a racer - and I think experience there is priceless. All my previous trips had been based on 'getting outside'. This one was focused on speed and distance: no stove, limited gear (not limited enough) night riding, pushing the limits, gaining on other riders, keeping up the pace to stay ahead of other racers. Previously my trips were all about the great outdoors: freeze-dried meals and hot oatmeal, coffee breaks, photography, down time in camp, reading, writing. It's hard to say which was more fun - certainly the race format was more trying and pushing myself physically beyond previously established limits was not necessarily 'fun', but the touring style does not afford that option to dig deep and find your personal barriers. Pushing through those barriers and prevailing can be the most rewarding experience of any outdoor adventure. But so is reading a good book under clear skies in the great outdoors!
So what now?
I should try another race that will give me a better chance of success. Less mileage and less hike-a-bike. Then maybe I can come back to the CTR. I enjoyed the race format more than I thought I would. It was fun to have the other riders out there and share experiences and feel a part of something bigger and better than just a bike ride (which is basically what it is when you go out touring on your own).
Here is a parting image from my race on the CT this year. It's 6pm and I roll out from Copper feeling like a true adventure racer. I have struggled through some serious hardship on the ten mile range, been riding since 6am, and now have fresh legs and fresh supplies for the next segment. Also it is beautiful out. The sun is shining and getting low in the sky. I pass Tom on the trail who is having trouble with a front derailleur (I tell him I got rid of mine for that very possibility!) I am flying through the ski resort as the CT winds it way through ski trails and around the golf course. I feel as good as I ever have on a bike. I see another racer far ahead climbing now. At every bend he disappears, but I gain on him and getting into race mode I decide to catch him and I do. He is filtering water at a creek. He's Dave from Yakima and he calls me a 'third lunger' when I tell him I'm from Bailey. I leave him creek side with all his gear spilled out on the bridge and spin on ahead. Further up the trail I see Kevin coming my way. I ask him if he's all right and he says he heading back to camp in a nice spot he just passed. So in a span of one hour I have now passed 3 racers. Nice! Finally, it is just me and the broad, brilliantly green Guller creek valley sweeping up ahead of me to Searle Pass. I pass by an old campsite I used a couple years ago and keep spinning. As night creeps in and the last of the soft light filters away I stop for a moment to enjoy the last of this day. It's incredibly quiet and still, I can see weather spilling over the crest above, but it is still nice down here and deathly still. What an amazing country. I feel extremely lucky to be here, now. Extremely blessed. I think of my family and miss them badly. I say goodnight to Sienna and imagine rubbing her back to sleep. I say goodnight to Ava even though she's been asleep for hours. And I thank Wendy for giving me this opportunity and I thank my Mom for coming to help. All the months of training and prep were really all for this moment - this one fleeting feeling of true freedom and adventure. Nothing but my gear and this trail snaking out in front. All the decisions are mine to be made, all the mistakes too. I am accountable only to myself. As darkness moves in and the winds pick up I move into survival mode again and get the bivy out and hunker down.
The fleeting moment is gone, but now looking back on those four days it is the one part that sticks out, that stays with me, that will keep me going. I'll find it again somewhere!
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| Guller Creek valley looking toward Searle Pass |
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